Match day in Newcastle has a rhythm of its own. The city starts filling up around midday, black and white shirts appear along Northumberland Street, and by half past two the pubs around Strawberry Place are spilling onto the pavement. It is one of the best atmospheres in the country, and it is also, if you are not ready for it, a proper squeeze.

Most of the stress on a match day has nothing to do with the football. It is about getting in, getting fed, staying warm and getting home without standing in a queue for an hour. Here is how to take the friction out of the day.

Decide how you are travelling before anything else

Every other decision follows from this one, so settle it before you buy the first round.

The Metro is the obvious choice for most people. Trains run from the airport through the city centre and out to the coast, and Haymarket and Monument are the closest stops to St James' Park. Central Station is a comfortable fifteen-minute walk if you would rather avoid the crush at the nearest station.

If you are driving, the honest advice is to park outside the centre and ride in. The Metro park and ride sites at Callerton Parkway, Four Lane Ends, Regent Centre and Heworth exist for exactly this. If you do park near the ground, be aware that the streets around Barrack Road and Strawberry Place are resident permit zones, and enforcement does not take match days off.

The hill is steeper than it looks

St James' Park sits at the top of a hill, and the walk up from Central Station, the Quayside or the river is a genuine climb. Add ten minutes if you are with children, older relatives or anyone who will feel it. Wear shoes you can walk in, not the ones you would wear to a wedding.

Work backwards from kick-off

Not every home game starts at three o'clock on a Saturday. Fixtures move for television, and a midweek evening under the lights is a different kind of day altogether. Check the kick-off time again the day before you travel. Rearranged fixtures catch people out more often than anything else.

Turnstiles open well before kick-off, but the queues build sharply in the last half hour. Bag searches slow everything down, so aim to be inside with twenty minutes to spare: enough time to find your seat, work out which concourse has the shorter food queue and settle in before the teams come out.

If anyone in your group needs step-free access or a quieter entrance, arrange it with the club well in advance rather than on the day.

Eat before the rush, not during it

City centre kitchens get hammered between one and half two on a Saturday. The Grainger Market is good for a quick, cheap lunch if you are in town early, and Stowell Street has proper sit-down options if you want a meal that is not eaten standing up. Pubs near the ground are part of the experience, but they are shoulder to shoulder an hour before kick-off.

A pie at half time is part of the ritual. It is not a meal. If you are going straight from work to a midweek game, eat before you get to the ground.

Dress for Tyneside, not for the forecast icon

The stadium is high up, exposed on three sides and cold in a way that catches visitors out. Layers beat bulk. A waterproof jacket with a hood is worth more than an umbrella, which will not get past the turnstiles anyway.

For a midweek game between November and February, take a hat, gloves and warm socks. Concrete and steel hold the cold, and you will be sitting still for the best part of two hours. In the upper tiers it is windier still.

Travel light and know what is allowed

• Your ticket, ready before you leave the house. Do not plan to load it in a crowded concourse with a weak signal.
• A charged phone and a small power bank.
• Card or phone payment, since most places around the ground are contactless now.
• One small bag at most. Check the club's ground regulations for size limits, because there is rarely anywhere to leave a rucksack.
• A layer you can tie round your waist if the sun comes out.
• Nothing glass, and nothing that could be thrown.

Have an exit plan before the final whistle

The five minutes after full time decide the next hour of your day, so decide now rather than in the crowd.

• The station nearest the ground fills instantly, and access is sometimes restricted after the final whistle. Walking ten or fifteen minutes to Haymarket, Monument or Central will usually get you on a train sooner than standing still.
• If you are driving, do not sit in the car park queue. Walk ten

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